There are a few wedding speech rules which, if you can master them, will make delivering your speech a lot less stressful.
There are hundreds of books available that will show you what to include in your speech, there are even web sites where you can buy a personalised wedding speech but once you've got your speech, how do you say it with confidence and ease?
The 30 Rules I've explained below will help you.
Giving a speech at a wedding is important but let's face it, it's not the reason that anyone is there. If there were no speeches there would still be a wedding!
Your speech actually comes quite a way down on the list of priorities for the day - that's not to say that you shouldn't try and do a fantastic job with it but try not to loose any sleep over it.
I've spent years teaching people how to speak in public and I've found that the second best way (the best way being personal tuition with me) is to give the speaker a list of my rules. These rules are very basic and most are only one or two sentences long - there's nothing complicated about speaking confidently.
If you follow these rules, your day will be much more enjoyable and you'll be able to fully appreciate the couples wedding day.
Rule 1 Don't rely on inspiration - start writing your speech down as soon as you realise you'll have to give one.
Rule 2 Keep it short, the guests will thank you - when was the last time you heard anyone complain because a speech was too short?
Rule 3 When we write we tend to write things like, 'I do not think' or 'I cannot', however when we speak we say, 'I don't think' or 'I can't.' Make sure you alter your speech when you read it out loud for the first time to make it SOUND natural.
Rule 4 Always, always practice out loud.
Rule 5 Unless you have a brilliant memory, don't try to memorise your speech.
Rule 6 Reading aloud is a skill most people think they can do brilliantly (but can't) but it is a skill which anyone can learn and it becomes a bit addictive. You may end up wanting to read stories to children and the hard of hearing etc.
Rule 7 Speak quite slowly. Give the guests a chance to take in what you've said. This can be achieved by saying 'full stop' or 'comma' to yourself when you come across one in your speech.
Rule 8 Open your mouth wide enough for the sound to get out. Watch yourself in a mirror - I'll bet you don't open your mouth as wide as you think you do. See exercises near the end for more details.
Rule 9 Pick out the important words and then make them stand out - don't panic - I'll explain how. Read through your speech and imagine you are saying it to an audience who are hard of hearing. Which words would they need to hear to be able to be able to guess the meaning of the speech - these are the important words and these words need to be underlined in pencil. Make these words stand out - How? I hear you ask.
Rule 10 Use inflection. Glide your voice up and down. A monotonous voice is boring and difficult to listen to.
Rule 11 Alter the pitch of your voice. If you want to sound serious lower the pitch of your voice, if you want to sound excited higher the pitch of your voice.
Rule 12 Change the volume of your voice. Obviously all of the guests need to hear you but some of the unimportant words can be spoken less loudly.
Rule 13 Vary the speech at which you speak. Those small unimportant words can be said more quickly enabling you to slow down on the more important words. When we speak in conversation our speech is spoken with an irregular pace. Think back to when you were learning to read - the cat sat on the mat - every word was said at the same speed, same volume, same pitch and it sounds awkward. We don't speak like this normally.
Rule 14 You need to pause for various reasons (more later) and one of them is to make the words stand out. Pause before an important word, or after an important word or before and after an important word.
Rule 15 Use your face - don't be afraid to smile.
Rule 16 Read your speech out loud but look up at the guests when you get to the important words that you previously underlined. Don't look up and down too often as this can be distracting to you and the guests. If you find it difficult, just make sure that you look up with the first sentence and the last sentence.
Rule 17 If you're reading your speech from notes (and you should be -either the speech written out in full or notes to help you remember) don't try to hide them.
Rule 18 Only write on one side of the paper - it's very easy to pick up your speech and start reading the wrong side!
Rule 19 If you go wrong, don't say sorry. The chances are that no will notice - until you say sorry!
Rule 20 When you're holding your speech, try not to hide your face but at the same time don't speak to the floor or table. I find it helpful to slide the thumb of my left hand down the side of the page as I speak so that when I look up and down again I have a rough idea of where I am.
Rule 21 Practice your speech at least once with your wedding outfit on. You'll be surprised how much your clothes can have an affect on your speaking. If you're not used to wearing a tie, or a jacket or high heels or having your hair up you might feel very awkward when you stand up in front of a crowd of people you don't know very well so practice and become familiar with your clothes.
Rule 22 Try to stand fairly still. A lot of people sway from side to side when they're nervous.
Rule 23 Avoid alcohol until after the speech.
Rule 24 If you know (or your friends or family tell you) that you say 'okay' or 'alright', or any other word repeatedly, try thinking it instead of saying it.
Rule 25 Exercise your tongue, lips and jaw. Say 'My Kite is flying high in the sky'. When you say an 'eye' sound as in high or my try to open your mouth wide enough to get three fingers horizontally in your mouth.
Rule 26 If you have funny parts in your speech. give the guests time to laugh.
Rule 27 Make sure that you sound the ends of words. Most weddings have at least a couple of guests who are more elderly and possibly hard of hearing. Say the following words out loud - beg, bet, bed and ben. You'll notice that the only sound that is different is the last consonant sound. If you don't say the final consonant the guests will only hear 'be...' and will have to guess the rest. Be careful with little words like and, it, at etc.
Rule 28 Practice saying your speech to someone or something. Try a desk, television, teddy or a chair. Anything will do - you just need something to look up at.
Rule 29 Don't forget to breathe. This also causes you to pause which in turn gives you a chance to think about the next thing you're going to say and gives the guests a chance to take in what you've just said.
Rule 30 Avoid dairy products before your speech i.e. milk and cheese as they cause mucus to form!
Rule 31 If you feel your mouth drying out just smile as this helps you to produce saliva in your mouth!>
Rule 32 End your speech as enthusiastically as you started it. You know how it ends but the guest don't. The ending is as important if not more important than the beginning so don't rush it and don't whisper it.
Rule 33 Practice reading out loud using magazines or books or even the ingredients from food packets. You need to get used to hearing your own voice and saying anything will help.
